I am feeling very well today. I made myself go to jewelry class yesterday, and I really enjoyed learning stuff and seeing old friends from class. I think I can go on with my life as long as the BCG treatments keep the cancer away. Those start in 2 weeks. Once the first one is over and I know I can stand it, I'll be okay. Especially if I know they are doing some good.

Penny, a teacher I knew from McMain was recently diagnosed with dementia, and she's only a few years older than I. It's so sad. She was a smart, great social studies teacher who now will be in an assisted living home after she's out of the hospital. She has family who will care for her. I wonder which is worst, my bladder cancer or her dementia. Would I trade, NO. It helped me put my situation in perspective. Laverne's condition also makes me realize that I can handle whatever happens with my health.  She is so courageous and continues to help others, like me, whenever she can. My hero.

I'm  going to work on jewelry today. The teacher said I should start selling on Etsy because I am doing so well. Small world on the Westbank. She knows Hiser and Connie Serrette. Interesting. Carolyn Badon is a good woman.

Scared last night. Woke up thinking about how cancer could spread to other organs, grow back quickly if treatments don't work. Envisioned colon, stomach and other cancers, then death.

I feel better this morning. Mentally, emotionally, but still feel up in the air about everything.
I hope this gets better soon, or I shall keep sinking, need to ask for help.

latest

Dr. Glass said that pathology found no cancer in the muscle tissue where the tumor was. Also that other spot that looked suspicious came back cancer free. All very good news. Next is the treatment schedule, one a week for six weeks, checkups every three months. If it works, I would continue treatments on a modified scale for many years. If not, bladder removal is recommended. I don't want that, but...I didn't want the cancer either. More that a 50/50 chance treatment works according to Dr. Glass. He's a good doctor, a good man.

Jan and I are hoping to take  a cruise in June.

April 1, 2016
I had another surgery on Wednesday to get a look at muscle tissue in my bladder. No results until Monday. See Dr. Glass on Wednesday afternoon. It was much easier on my this time, shorter procedure, easier recovery so far. I still feel vulnerable and that I should rush to do everything I want to do now before it's too late. I must choose between resuming normal job and other activities in June or just being lazy and doing what I want. It's a life view choice.
Jan had skin cancer and had a treatment for that and a removal of a growth on her face. She's ok, but that increases my vulnerability view for the both of us.

Is this the rest of my life? I do have a choice of what to do with it. I have to think. If the immunotherapy treatment works, I should be ok getting checked frequently for cancer return.
.....