It has been since March 30 that I had my second surgery for bladder cancer, but I have yet to have my first BCG treatment. It was delayed because the appointment wasn't made; then they ran out of saline solution and didn't order more in time. My appt. now is Monday at 10:00 PM. It was supposed to be last Wednesday. I'm getting really tired of waiting. It might interfere with our vacation plans for June in Eureka Springs.
Long term I want to begin treatment so that I will know whether it is going to work or not. That is my most serious worry. It's not that I think about it all the time at least, not consciously. But I have had very unusual dreams about death, not mine, but still related in a way.
I've been working on my jewelry creations; that's always a great escape. I will start painting again this summer as well.
Generally I am feeling old and weak and unwell--mentally. Physically, yes, I'm not as quick as I was to move around, but I exercise at home and walk. What it really is that I feel my mortality, realize what few years I have remaining, even if it's 15 or 20.
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